Friday, April 29, 2011

BLEAK

This is just one of a series of posts. I haven't lost my faith, I haven't disavowed anything. No need for alarm. Just part of working stuff out. There's more to come...

Well, I can see now that life isn’t gonna play fair, regardless of how many chances I give it.

Just like Alan Ginsberg said, “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness…”.

We’re told to dream. To try. That we can accomplish anything we want.

Then one ol’ person can smash those things. When they’re not even right.

I take inspiration from Rocky Balboa: “The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth.”

On second thought, damn a Rocky. Rocky’s a movie.

Any single thing in your life ever work out the way it does in a movie?

I’m sick of it. Sick of the line. Sick of being fed bull. Sick of being told to expect something better.

Is that what faith’s all about?

I used to have faith.

Now I wonder if that’s just something we use to make ourselves feel better somehow.

Most people don’t even seem to mean that.

I believe there’s a God up there. I just don’t know what that means for me down here anymore.

I don’t mean this to be all depressing. I don’t mean to sit in a pity puddle.

I’m blessed. I have bright spots. But what’s it ALL about? What’s the point?

But that old song was right; “it’s a short life of trouble”, ain’t it?

The examples of faith that moves me are the Depression-era songs about struggle and strife. THOSE people were waiting for something better.

Is that the whole point? Surviving?

What gets you through?

2 comments:

  1. This might seem like a cop out of sorts on my part, but I guess I don't ask these kind of questions. Perhaps I should.

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  2. I heard a sermon this Lent season and I take comfort that the disciples didn't "get it" either. They saw the miracles, they heard the words from Christ himself, they saw the crucifixion and resurrection. They witnessed it all and they still didn't fully understand what Christ was about and what their role in the story should be. They had their bright spots, and their darkness too.

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