I don’t believe Idaho is a real place.
I mean, I know it’s a “state”. I know that there is a piece of geography that is a part of the United States.
But I don’t think it’s a state like all the others. I don’t think real stuff goes on there.
Think about it…
Do you know anyone from Idaho?
Have you been to Idaho?
Do you even know anyone who’s been to Idaho?
A while back, I met a college student who said he was from Idaho. My immediate response, without even thinking about it, was “No you’re not.” He laughed, as if he instinctively knew what I was getting at. “No one is from Idaho,” I said.
Napoleon Dynamite was set in Idaho. Just look at that movie. The weird combination of 80’s style and complete cheesiness…that’s not because the filmmakers were being creative; they just didn’t know how else to portray this place “Idaho” that supposedly exists. Either that, or they were trying to give the impression that this place "Idaho" actually had some unique culture of its own.
I have a new boss at my day job. He’s from Idaho.
That’s two people I’ve met now – in my entire 34 years of meeting a countless number of individuals – who hail from Idaho.
Then this morning, about two days after meeting my new boss, the car in front of me in the drive-thru at McDonald’s had Idaho plates. It wasn’t the college kid; he has Illinois plates now. It wasn’t my new boss or any of his family; they haven’t actually moved here yet.
I think Idaho is a place that was given a name so it would blend in, but where the government does all kinds of weird, secretive, and scary stuff they don’t want us to know about.
Which explains why no one is really from there.
But what about these people who do say they’re from there? What about the Idaho license plate this morning? Surely the government forces people to say they’re from Idaho from time to time, just to keep up the illusion of it being real, right?
It wouldn’t take much effort; just a person here and a person there, scattered around the US, claiming to be from Idaho. That way when you have a conversation, started by the universal question, “Hey…have you ever met anyone from Idaho?” (as countless people no doubt do every day), some people could actually say “yes”. Not too many, mind you – that would be suspicious. Just a few.
But, now, a couple of years after I met the Idahoan college student, I bump into two Idahoans in the same week? Why the sudden increase?
What are they up to in Idaho that they have to step up their efforts?
And what did these people who’ve been forced to claim Idaho as a home do that made the government force them into being pawns in this nefarious plot?
And why so much Idahoan focus in MY town?
PS – I used to think this same thing about Rhode Island. But, then my cousin moved there.
Rhode Island is totally a real place…